I order a burger and Coke.
I could stay in the bar
and wait for the order to come up
and take it outside myself,
but I ask her to.
She’s running food.
I want to see her alone
just for a few seconds;
that’s all it’d be, that’s all I’d need.
With my bag and pint, I walk outside.
I sit, roll a cigarette, swig some Coke.
From my bag comes Fante.
Nicotine diffuses in my lungs.
That familiar cranial rush calms my nerves.
In my peripheral I see her walk
into the dusk, carrying my dinner
and someone else’s.
I take a drag and don’t look up. She puts the plate
in front of me. Fante folds in my lap.
I look up, smile, and mouth something
appreciative;
she looks at me
and speaks words so soft
they barely leave
her parted lips, borne away
on twilit winds. Her eyes
tell me more than those words
ever could.
For only a second
we’re locked in time, staring
into each other completely, searching
for what’s wanted.
It’s happened before but
not like this. This is different.
It’s a moment of rarity
where a myriad of possibilities abound
along that line of sight, where the future
creeps back in time
and taints the boundaries of the present
with promises of something else, something
more.
The moment passes
and she walks back into the bar,
one plate and few words lighter.
The fading light no longer lights up
her ethereal features yet I see them,
see her,
still,
in the halls
of my memory, draped
in sepia, near perfect, where
the passing of time
can only make her
more beautiful.
You had me at “I order a burger and Coke”. /chuckles/ The curious beginning then gave way to something unexpectedly sweet — I was pleasantly surprised.
However, the following line are my favourite**:
“in the halls
of my memory, draped
in sepia, near perfect, where
the passing of time
can only make her
more beautiful.”
Like damn, buddy. Must you feed the romantic in me? 😉 They were laced with such heartbreaking tenderness that I had to do a double take.
Buddy, honestly: your words are a breathtaking blend of poignancy and innocence — I am frustrated at how flowery and disingenuous that sounds but it’s the absolute truth. No flattery, just appreciation for some damn nicely written words.
** To Google chrome: The squiggly red line underlining that word is not appreciated.
From: A fellow Australian.
You need to staaaaahhhhhppppp! Haha
Thanks so much for this comment. Its rather delightful and refreshing. I’ve been proper lazy lately at posting anything and this has been quite the kick in the arse.
Many thanks 🙂
I was afraid that I had failed and that my words really did come off as wholly forgettable and empty. But alas, you responded so maybe I succeed to a small degree. Recognition! Satisfaction! Darlings, how sweet you all taste.
I am currently up at the god-forsaken time of 2AM and I’m feeling both delirious and inspired; completely taken by the absolute impossibility of writing something coherent at such an ungodly hour. You too seem to enjoy the company of the moon so maybe look at the celestial glory and you’ll find inspiration. If not then what is your favourite word? Or, if you could make up a word and define it too, what would it be? And now, feeling inspired by this pep talk, you go write something. Sounds like a plan yeah? 😉 Three sentences is fine. If you do that then maybe I will do the same because I too am guilty of disappearing from my blog for a month or more out of laziness but you know what? I want to feel the creative juices flow so let’s do this. Yeah! My prompt wasn’t the best so maybe have something better? Admittedly, I don’t usually write by setting out to respond to prompts; I just write on a whim or out of emotional anguish but it seems that that means I don’t write as often or in as wide a range of genres as I would like to.
Or maybe my suggestion is abhorrent to you but m8, basically, getting the writing groove on. Perhaps that’ll then inspire me to do the same 😉
Basically: I felt a connection to this piece and, because I am addicted to feeling the feels, you and I should both write so that the feels are fully felt.
(I hope you appreciated the alliterations hahaa.)
Thank you for reading my work, as well as for bringing me to read yours. I look forward to reading more and hope your return from time to time to see what I’m up to.
Alex
This reminds me of every moment I was mesmerized by someone else’s movements, and watched, and hoped, and a million scenarios and ideas flitted through my mind and…you’ve captured that simple moment of wanting to see someone, to be with someone, to identify and connect with someone. Of course, whenever I talk about it it’s usually in a blatant, obvious, exaggerated, I love them and my heart’s breaking because they don’t know it way, and your way is much more dignified. Oh, and by “talk about it” I mean I write ridiculous love songs on ukulele. Your elegant poem reminds me of them. In a good way…Or just in the subject matter. Not in the manner. Yours is quite beautiful. I’m gonna stop now. Go poet!
one glance, and i wish
i were a few words lighter –
such things left unsaid
.
20140913:0036
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[…] glance, and i wish i were a few words lighter – such things left unsaid . 20140913:0036 […]
This was wow! Very different… and very just.. wow. So well written 🙂
Absolutely loved it! Thank you!
It’s absolutely beautiful, the sights, sounds and colors.
Thank you 🙂
Beautiful.
Thank you for reading and for the lovely comment. That one word is quite very much appreciated 🙂
Interesting Title and to be honest I read it breathless….A beautiful creation Jens..:)
Thank you so very much 🙂
Beautiful poem! Think I held my breath during the second half of the poem 🙂 It was nice to read something so light and colorful 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I’m glad you liked it.
Great poem! It was so beautiful! Held my breath the entire time 🙂 It was refreshing to read something so light and colorful 🙂
Thank you for visiting my blog Jens thejguide.wordpress.com, I appreciate it! I love your work, keep it up! =)
Thank you 🙂 I’ll certainly try to keep on writing the good stuff. Thanks for visiting!
Enjoyed.
Great write, Jens. Love the way old Fante pops up!
Thank you so much! Fante is a real good time. I just found a collection of short stories called The Big Hunger. I can’t wait to devour it 🙂
This is just… perfect.
Thank you 🙂
Great poem, Jens! Descriptive and aloof at the some time with loads of feelings in tow! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Cyril, for the read and the comment. I’m glad it resonated in some way with you 🙂
Delightful poem.Moving!
Thank you so much for reading 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.